Week 11 - Post Freedom

Week 11 - Post Freedom - Sunday, May 27 Steps - Tradition 5. Service Helping Others. 7:30 CW Alcathon - Give $1 to a beggar, they need it more than me. *SHARED 10 CW Alcathon - Ego Monday, May 28 Feelings - Gratitude. Do the same thing you did yesterday, because yesterday worked pretty well. SWAN - We Agnostics. BB. Atom/Adam *READ Tuesday, May 29 Noon @ CW - Topic = Alcoholism. It's my alcoholism, not alcoholwasm 8pm Aston - Sober Holiday. Time heals. Relationships heal. Significant other issues. Wednesday, May 30 Hardcore - Got my gold 60 day coin! SHARED I need to learn how to sit in the back of the bus and just enjoy the ride. Not sit right behind the driver and try to steer/direct. He Gave, He Took, He Left - GOD Sproul - Took Kaelie. Got another coin. Pray for your fucking enemies. 4 cylinder person with a 8 cylinder brain/imagination Thursday, May 31 FreeFlow - New Normal. Without drinking I can do anything I want to, including drink *SHARED/READ Alumni - Relationships. Jobs. Passions. Friday, June 1 Nooners - Unity Reps Pitch. Service. Committees. Get involved. There is a wrench to fit every nut. Alumni - Maddie spoke. Exercise. Relationships. Drinking to make work day go quicker. Making the right, obvious choices sober. Saturday, June 2 10am @ CW - Doesn't matter if it is a disease or not, its a problem. Brought K *SHARED I am not where I want to be in my life bc of a direct result of my drinking You either grow or you go 1:30 @ CW - Brought K and Shea Half measures availed us nothing. Insanity. Can't do this alone. Sat Night Alive - Traditions are important. New comers struggling. *SHARED/READ Made it to 16 meetings this week. Shared at 5 meetings this week. Tried 2 different meetings this week. Made 1 new girlfriend. Since I've been out of keystone I've only missed a meeting 3 days in 77 days. I have gone to 107 meetings in 77 days (11 weeks)

Week 10 - Post Freedom

Week 10 - Post Freedom - Sunday, May 20 Steps - Stop trying to run the show. Stop trying to drive the car. My God changes gender, it is whatever I need it to be. *SHARED Monday, May 21 SWAN - Alter ego popping up. She knows how to get attention but its not the good kind of attention. *SHARED/READ Beginners - Tuesday, May 22 530 @ CW - AA is my new crutch, it used to be alcohol. GOD - Gratitude, Obedience, Disapline Me drinking again is like me pulling the trigger of a gun with 6 bullets in the chamber. Wednesday, May 23 Noon @ CW R's NA Meeting - Gratitude. Honesty. Openmindedness and Willingness. Thursday, May 24 WHIP - Double life. Coach/Drunk. Supermom/Drunk. *SHARED Friday, May 25 730 @ CW - Tradition 5. Meet people where they are (emotionally etc). My recovery only extends as far as my nose. Traditions = glue *SHARED Saturday, May 26 Alumni - Life happens. Connections/Friends. WE program. Hardcore BB - B/C I'm an Alcoholic. Very similar to my story. *SHARED Made it to 10 meetings this week. Shared at 5 meetings this week. Tried 2 different meetings this week. Made 3 new girlfriend. Since I've been out of keystone I've only missed a meeting 3 days in 70 days. I have gone to 91 meetings in 70 days (10 weeks)

Week 9 - Post Freedom

Week 9 - Post Freedom - Sunday, May 13 - Mother's Day - 43 Days 1030 @ CW - Disease is still out there, in the starting blocks, waiting for the gun Sobriety = keystone. If it goes, it ALL goes. ONE job = to stay sober Bottomless bottoms, except not bc any one could be your last. Russian roulette. Your alcoholism didn't get you arrested, you did. 430 @ CW - Everyday is new, different, and odd. Its not good or bad, it just is. SHARED* Monday, May 14 SWAN - Step 5. Respect a dog for its master. *SHARED/READ Just bc I'm sober, doesn't mean I'm sane. If you say it, you'll forget it. If you write it, you'll regret it. Beginners - TIME = Time I Must Earn As long as its not my idea, it's probably a good idea. Tuesday, May 15 FREEDOM ALUMNI! #4 Wednesday, May 15 R's NA Homegroup - Stay on your toes. Monkey is still around. Trudging through feelings. *SHARED Thursday, May 16 Swat Thurs - Wanting to be a story collector. Related A LOT to speaker. *SHARED The only meeting you're late to is the first one. Friday, May 17 530 @ CW - Alcohol will always be there, my alcoholism doesn't have to be. Scared me into here. 730 Haverford - Build my recovery on those painful events/memories. *SHARED My actions not matching my values Saturday, May 18 1030 @ CW - ABCs are not Apartment, Babe, Car. They're Attitude, Behavior, Consequences. The only way to get through something, is to go through it, not around it. I was afforded the gift of desperation Sat Night Alive - Anger was topic. Lots of good shares. Made it to 12 meetings this week. Shared at 5 meetings this week. Tried 2 different meetings this week. Made 1 new girlfriend. Since I've been out of keystone I've only missed a meeting 3 days in 63 days. I have gone to 93 meetings in 63 days (9 weeks)

Week 8 - Post Freedom

Week 8 - Post Freedom - Sunday, May 6 St. Kevs - Speaker. Went w/ R. Met M there. Can't help someone until they're ready. Monday, May 7 Noon Womens - Love and tolerance. Went w/ J. Made new friend. *SHARED/READ SWAN - If you like everyone in AA, you're not going to enough meetings. *SHARED/READ Beginners - She is going to bring me down with her before I can build her back up. Saw J from Freedom there. Coiled spring analogy. Tuesday, May 8 530 @ CW - BB Vision 4 You. Language of the Heart pg. 201. FREEDOM ALUMNI! #2 Wednesday, May 9 8pm Sproul - They have free will too. *SHARED Thursday, May 10 Swat Thurs - J spoke. Let in be. Serene mothering. *SHARED Friday, May 11 6pm Back 2 Basics - We're many and we're varied. *SHARED Unity. Common welfare. Safe Haven. Quiet or not so quiet suffering/desperation. Topic - disruptions/fights etc FREEDOM ALUMNI! #3 Saturday, May 12 Fell sleep. Tired. Sick. Made it to 10 meetings this week. Shared at 5 meetings this week. Tried 2 different meetings this week. Made 1 new girlfriend. Since I've been out of keystone I've only missed a meeting 3 days in 56 days. I have gone to 81 meetings in 56 days (8 weeks)

Week 7 - Post Freedom

Week 7 - Post Freedom - Sunday, April 29 - Day 29! Step Sunday - Tradition #4. Rule #62. 430 @ CW - Shared Monday, April 30 - 30 Days!!! SWAN - Read. 30 day chip. Beginners - Shared. 30 day chip. Step #1 Tuesday, May 1 730 @ CW - Step 3. Young ppl. Newbies. *SHARED Wednesday, May 2 FREEDOM ALUMNI! First one! Thursday, May 3 RP FF 10 - Feelings aren't facts. But, its a fact that I'm feeling a certain way. Helping people is like putting $ in the sobriety bank. Drunks are full of lame excuses. Broken shoe lace problems. Be happy you have shoes?! Page 30, 62, 89. Promises page 83, 84. *SHARED 530 Frederick Club - Matching calmality with serenity. *SHARED Friday, May 4 Happy Hour Frederick - Step #4. Fact finding proposition. Do no more damage in step 1-3, address them in step 4. Emotional sobriety workbooks. Reach one teach one. *SHARED Saturday, May 5 830 Frederick - BB Page 354 Lifeguard that doesn't know how to swim Made it to 10 meetings this week. Shared at 5 meetings this week. Tried 4 different meetings this week. Made 1 new girlfriends. Since I've been out of keystone I've only missed a meeting 2 days in 49 days. I have gone to 71 meetings in 49 days (7 weeks)

Week 6 - Post Freedom

Week 6 - Post Freedom - Sunday, April 22 - Day 22! 7pm St. Mads - Topic = service... Monday, April 23 SWAN - Topic= One Day At a Time. Be present. Pray. Reactive mode. Anxiety is when we worry about the future. Depression is when we dwell on the past Can't save your ass and your face at the same time. Shared* Tuesday, April 24 Safari - anniversary. defend my right to drink until the end Wednesday, April 25 CW Noon- Grapevine. My bottom is my bottom, it doesn't matter what it is, as long as I find it. My thinking took me back out drinking. You're too young (to be an alcoholic). You don't look like one (alcoholic) Today, my dark past is my best asset. Don't look for the people in AA, look for the AA in people. Functioning alcoholic = drunk with a job CW Bigbook - Dr. Opinion. Guilt, Shame, Remorse --> Fuels Drinking --> Fuels guild, shame and remorse Either headed towards a drink, or away. CW Women's - Daily reflection = grateful. Fill the hole, in your soul Thursday, April 26 Sober Sisters in Bryn Mawr - shared, brought kaelie Friday, April 27 CW @ 530 - pg. 164 . speaker. when the gavel drops, the joking stops Saturday, April 28 As Bill Sees It - p. 162.Those other people. Judging/Inventory - causes more damage (my experience in keystone, those people) CW Women's - Big Book, housewife story Made it to 10 meetings this week. Shared at 3 meetings this week. Tried 2 different meetings this week. Made 2 new girlfriends. Since I've been out of keystone I've only missed a meeting 2 days in 42 days. I have gone to 61 meetings in 42 days (6 weeks)

Week 5- Post Freedom

Week 5 - Since being discharged on 3/18/18 (Sunday) Sunday, April 15 - Day 15! 7:30pm Friends Springfield - Went with Meg. Sobriety is not a spectator sport. How I am feel is not how I am doing. Keep the door open so you can see the past and remember it, but don't friggen stare at it. Monday, April 16 8pm Redeemer Springfield - Related to speaker, got her #. Shared. Tuesday, April 17 5:30 @ CW 7pm Rose Tree Women's - Read Dr. Opinion. Body is just as abnormal as mind. Written in roman numerals because it was not written by a drunk. Joe and Charlie tapes. Shared. Wednesday, April 18 10am Stay In Today Ridley - Went w/ J. Step 4. Termite analogy. Program of attraction. You are the problem. Problems are here to make us better, not make us bitter. If you don't do a 4th, you'll pick up a 5th. 7pm Springfield Havertown - Met Meg there. Thursday, April 19 8pm Swat Candle - Met D and K there. Count the days. Relapse. Planning/Plotting. The things we tell ourselves. Wasn't that bad. First time you refer to yourself as an alcoholic. Shared. Friday, April 20 10am RP BB - went w/ J. MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM. In or Out, no in between. Incomprehensible demoralization. Alcoholism 101. Can't and don't want to drink normally. I told the barkeep I might be an alcoholic, he told me to 'keep coming back'. Pick up a drink, fall to pieces. Acceptance is the answer. Noon @ CW - If you're feeling bad, make a meeting. If you're feeling good, make 2. I'm allergic to booze, I break out in handcuffs. I care more about your sobriety than your feelings. Saturday, April 21 - 3 weeks! 21 days! 1:30 @ CW - He's not on my time, but he is right on time (God). Shared. Midnight @ CW - Went w/ R. Selfish/Selfless. Shared. Made it to 11 meetings this week. Shared at 4/11 meetings this week. Tried 5 different meetings this week. Made 2 new girlfriends. Read 3 times. Since I've been out of keystone I've only missed a meeting 2 days in 35 days. I have gone to 51 meetings in 35 days (5 weeks)

Week 4 - Post Freedom

Week 4 - Since being discharged on 3/18/18 (Sunday) Sunday, April 8 - Day 8! 10:30 @ CW - Can't Keep a good alcoholic down. 4:30 @ CW Monday, April 9 5pm Hard Core - Honesty Vs. Thorough. Feelings are NOT facts! 8:30pm Beginners - If I couldn't find an answer, there is none. Japan was bombed 2x before they surrendered, I was bombed a hell of a lot more than that Fatal things only have to happen once If you only do 50% of the work, You'll get 0 results. Tuesday, April 10 5:30 @ CW - I shared Wednesday, April 11 Swat Agnostics - It is different when I make it different. Attitude into Action. You want it but you don't, in regards to another day. Looking at things objectively I shared! Media Weds - You might get rid of fear by picking up that first drink, but it'll come back and increase from there. I shared about being content and loving the small victories. Thursday, April 12 Noon @ CW - Went w/ June. Shared about feeling 'content' even with the bs at the apt. Insanity that goes on in the real world VS. the simplicity of AA. Can't/Don't Worry about whether or not he is an alcoholic. 7:30pm @ CW - Small meeting only 7 people. I shared a few times. Friday, April 13 Media Nooners - Went w/ R. Saw J there. Picking up a drink is like picking a fight with a Gorilla, it is over when the Gorilla says it is. H.O.P.E - Hearing Other Peoples Experiences Don't trip over something in the past. Saturday, April 14 - 2 weeks! 7am - Only two emotions Love/Faith and Fear Allowed to have and not to keep - resentments You're responsible for your efforts, not for the results If you spot it, you got in, in regards to other people character defects 9am - S.L.I.P - Sobriety Lost It's Priority Whatever I put in front of my sobriety, will be the first thing I lose when I pick up Made it to 12 meetings this week. Shared at 5/12 meetings this week. Tried 4 different meetings this week. Made 1 new girlfriend. Since I've been out of keystone I've only missed a meeting 2 days in 28 days. I have gone to 40 meetings in 28 days (4 weeks)

Week 3 - Post Freedom

Week Three - Sunday, April 1 - Saturday, April 7 Sunday, April 1 - 2 days 7am Media - Grapevine meeting. Sober @ 14. Had a nice chat w/ J 830pm WAWA - Mike spoke, had a similar HS/College drinking experience to me. Met June there. Monday, April 2 830pm Beginners - Surrender was the topic. Tuesday, April 3 530pm CW - It's not what happens to you. It's how you react. Alcoholics are like Tea Bags, they don't work until they're in hot water. 730pm Trinity - 1/2 full or 1/2 empty, at least I have water Wednesday, April 4 530pm CW BB - Sponsor/12 Step 8pm Sproul Lanes - Shared, met some great ladies. WE stay sober, I drink. Compare my insiders to another persons outsides Thursday, April 5 Noon CW - It doesn't always come as a bottle 8pm Swat Candle - "Slaying The Dragon" - book Friday, April 6 7:30pm Media Winners - 3 W's Will, Want, Work I am powerless over everything If you throw sobriety in the corner enough, you'll eventually reach for it and it will not be there Alcohol took me to a lot of nice places (lol not) Sodriety - lol People were put in my path, they were there before, but now I am ready to listen to them and use them Saturday, April 7 - 1 week! 10am CW Begin - Can't stay sober on yesterdays sobriety 2 times you need a meeting --> when you think you need one, and when you don't think you need one If you're not satisfied with the results of AA, Alcohol will refund your misery 3 fold 730pm Sat Nite Alive - Check up from the neck up Brought KBug to her first AA meeting. She was good. Read her books, played on her tablet, sat in my lap quietly, joined the circle at the end. The general consensus is that kids are accepted at most meetings, and if someone has a problem with a kid being there they can go f themselves and find another meeting! :) So I have 1 week of sobriety, I discovered I can bring KBug to a meeting, I'm still meeting some cool people and making connections. I have a few women I text daily. As far as meetings go I have gone to 28 meetings in 21 days. Not too shabby. Things are slowly coming together

Week 2 - Post Freedom

Week 2 - Out and About After Freedom Sunday March 25 - Saturday March 31 Sunday March 25 - 38 days sober 5:30 @ Clubhouse - had a great talk with the chair about marriage/relationships. 7:30 @ St. Kevin's Alive Again - step 1 Monday, March 26 We drink to a black out in order to forget about the bad shit you did during a black out... INSANITY I was really good at playing character assassination (in reference to judging other people) Tuesday, March 27 Media - As Bill Sees It Pain/Progress - Reading/Topic Life Event --> Pain --> Cope --> Booze --> More Pain --> Rinse and Repeat Life Event --> Pain --> Cope --> Heal Media Young Peoples BB Sat w/ J. Met Jm. Asked about Secretary position. Wednesday, March 28 - 41 Days Went to visit Shea @ First Steps... no meeting Thursday, March 29 - Back to 0 Swat Pres Meeting ... left early... planned to drink... drank Friday, March 30 My researched proved that drinking still sucks and hangovers are still a bitch. Worked at FT all day. Drunk/Hungover. Pleasant! Saturday, March 31 - Day 1 Back on the wagon. Told D and my parents. Media Promises Meeting w/ D. Picked up a white/silver chip. Worked at FT all day and felt better. Stayed around people. All in all I am back to Day 1. I have gone to 6 meetings this week. Total I've gone to 16 meetings in 14 days.

Week 1 - Post Freedom

Here is a little recap of the meetings I went to during my first week of sobriety. I was discharged from Keystone @ 10am on Sunday, March 18. In seven days I went to 10 meetings. I collected over 50 phone numbers. And made honest connections with 5 woman. Not everyday was stellar, I had a few rough days where I was dying to drink but I didn't and I can honestly say I have 38 Days! I am looking forward to week 2 out of rehab and checking out another slew of different meetings. #BeatMode #NoDayButToday #Freedom #RedChipper #38 days Sunday, March 18 - 31 Days 2:30pm - First meeting on the outside Steps on Sunday @ Holy Trinity Coincidences - The Step was 5, which is the last step we studied while I was in Keystone. The Chair/Share person's name was Letisha! 5pm - Language of the Heart @ Swat Methodist Coincidences - Met a Swarthmore Lady named S who has looked into FT for a trainer. Met E who knows my mother. 7:00pm - Starting Over @ St. Mads Coincidences - Ran into C from Freedom. Met some women and got numbers. Tuesday, March 20 - 33 Days 7:30pm - Wallingford @ Holy Trinity Met my friend D there. Picked up my 30 day chip! Topic was forgiveness and spiritual awakening. "Cannot go forward while looking in the rear-view mirror". You need to hear with your head not just your ears. Wednesday, March 21 - Snow Storm 5:30pm - Chester Woodlyn @ Club Good turn out despite weather. We can make a conscious decision to drink, we cannot make one to stop. Man takes a drink, drink takes a drink, drink takes the man. A sick alcoholic won't get help if he keeps his mouth shut. 7:30pm - Women's @ Chester/Woodlyn Only 4 total ladies there. Only lasted 45 minutes but was able to share easily. Thursday, March 22 7:30pm - Chester Woodlyn @ Club Heard a young man share about his younger brother i felt like I was listening to myself talk about my brother and his current situation and how it is affecting my parents especially. Friday, March 23 7:30pm - Chester Woodlyn - Club The meeting was LITERALLY me and the chair person! No joke! It was kinda cool and went by really quickly. The gentleman was named R was a local and had about 20 years. He had some good advice and was really nice. Saturday, March 24 - 37 days! 7am - First Things First @ Media Hall Went with my friend D. Who would have thought 20+ drunks voluntarily got together at 7am on a Saturday. We read Chapter 2 of BB. The thing that stuck our was the part about the "real alcoholic" on page 21. 4pm - Women's @ Chester/Woodlyn Read Chapter 2 AGAIN! I don't believe in coincidences lol!

Notes From Keystone Freedom 2/15 - 3/17/2018

these are the notes I took while in rehab. Some of just shit people said I like, some are sayings from the programs, some are ideas, some are thoughts etc. When you write you have to think, when you think you have to feel. When you read you have to think, when you think you have to feel. What does addiction NOT want you to do?!?! FEEL!!! Stop kissing it's ass (Alcohol) Spare Time --> S&C, Track, Kaelie, Hiking, Being Outside, Sports How do I deal with this shit sober? FINE - Freaked Out (Fucked Up), Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional Humble - To be right sized Anonymity - There are no BIG I's or little u's M.Ed - is not WHO I am, it is WHAT I have How do we know when our disease is active? When we are self centered, self obsessed, have loose morals, decay in everything, isolation Knowing the consequences and still doing it I cannot think my way into good behavior/habits, I have to act my way into good thinking There is no such thing as "microwave recovery". There were no microwaves when Bill W and Dr. Bob created AA Cannot know a truth w/o challenging it Everything after 0 is a plus :) React Vs. Respond. They are different. Respond = more mature, planned and thought out. React - is an assholes knee jerk action You can admit shit, but until you accept it, nothing changes When the head and the heart work together you'll reach the rooms. When they continue to work together is when you stay in the rooms. Responsibility = the ability to respond Depression, Anxiety and Stress are the tools of addiction. Our tools are talking, thinking, writing, the rooms, fellowship, our literature. You're as sick as your secrets, but you live a secretive life?! If drinking is causing any problems to ANY compartment of your life, you have a problem. First year of recovery = the hardest It ain't about falling, it's about how you get up. If there is a devil, addiction is his right hand man. Intellect in sobriety will kill you. K.I.S.S Steps deflate ego, so that H.P can have space. Bad words = Just and Only. These words justify and protect your addiction. Thank God that I am 6 feet over instead of 6 feet under. Do we remember where we came from, or do we let the good times distract us. Good drunk stories VS. the bad. Learn how to live comfortable and sober. Step 4 and 5 - Where are you now?! As I stayed sober, jobs surprisingly got better and better. You can stop a day and restart it WHENEVER you want, as many times as you want. Life = Pond. If you throw poison in the water, it affects the entire pond, not just the area in which you threw it. AA Triangle - Unity, Service, Recovery. Mind, Body and Spirit. Program has 3 sides, 3 folds, have to work on all 3. G.O.D - Giving Out Directions Open you mouth to release pressure on the brain. Talk to shut your brain up. I did this to myself (Why you're here) Not only are we in recovery, we're survivors. There are people dying every minute from this. Keeping it Green = Keeping in fresh, keeping in present, reminder, keeping it in forefront of brain TRUE Alcoholics are like fucking unicorns. 2 years Clean = 5 meetings a week. 5 years Clean = 3 meetings a week. 10 years Clean = 2 meetings a week. Defects are an adjective. Shortcomings are a verb. Repeat it so you remember it, if you can't remember t, you can't practice it. Guilt is - I MADE a mistake. Shame is - I AM a mistake I am powerless over people, places and things. It is all still going to be there when you get out. SAD = Stress, Addition, Depression Hurt (ADJ.) People, Hurt (VERB) People. Why worry about tomorrow when today has enough trouble of it's own. Chew up the meat and spit out the bones. We don't listen to family, we listen to strangers, that is why we're called anonymous. Show me who you walk with and I'll show you who you are. Disease of separation. The more you get connected, the better you'll be. Step 1 - Honesty Step 2- Hope Step 3 - Care/Change Step 4 - Moral Step 5 - Humility A disease is... fatal, progressive and not a choice Learning is a continuous process, if we stop learning we die. D.E.N.I.A.L - Didn't Even No I Am Lying You cannot control addiction, but you can arrest it. Alcohol has gotten away with more murders. Alvin fell off the roof and died (Alvin died because he fell off the roof, Alvin died because he was drunk, thus alcohol killed Alvin.